In Retrospect

I have not done a very good job of blogging over the last few months.

Honestly, it has been too difficult. There have been too many other things going on. But, in reality, it has been too difficult to find the initiative to sit down and write when there are so many different emotions and events to process through. Too much is fresh and raw. I haven't had the ability. I have felt like in some ways that I am in 'survival mode'.

These last few weeks at my parents' house have been what I have needed. A 'safe' space to rest and recuperate between lives so it seems. To be quite honest, although I have done some crying and some thinking... mostly I have just 'been'. I have done all the normal things that every mother does... Christmas preparations, laundry, cleaning, shopping, establishing routine for my children in another environment, some cooking... and some things that not every mother does... like homeschooling. I have also had time to do some things that I haven't had time to do in a long time. Like more consistency in my daily time with the Lord. Or reading a novel for enjoyment. Or watching Ladies Number One Detective Agency shows with my mother. Not that life has been boring... how can it be with 3 kids and with the daily drama of moving from one 3rd world country to another? But more on that later.

This last week I have decided to print the first 5 years of my blog as a book. It seems like a natural time. This has been a nostalgic process for me as I've been preparing and editing it. I have been more 'homesick' (if I even dare use that word, it has so many confusing connotations to me) for Bolivia in the past week than I have been since we left. It started when we were sitting in the Rainforest Cafe in Chicago last week and I heard a recording of a 'jungle' bird that sounded like one we heard frequently in Bolivia. Sounds silly, I know, but I miss hearing birds. And then sitting in the Ecuadorian consulate listening to the hum of Spanish speakers around me. And then as I look back over entries and pictures I have made over the last 5 years, the feeling has compounded. I miss friends and teammates, and church family, and yes, even life (although I will not be so dishonest as to say I miss all aspects of life!).

All of this is to say that I am going to be making some blog entries... in retrospect. Because of the lack of time before we left Cochabamba (as a result of all of the preparations to leave), it seems there are some important entries missing from the last few weeks of our life in Cochabamba. I would feel like I was cheating myself and my blog book if I didn't go back and post about them. And probably somewhere in midst of all these blogs, I will process a little bit on paper my feelings surrounding the drama of this international move.

So let the retrospection begin.